In this article I wanted to revisit an all article I wrote couple of years back on the Light Centre Healthy Living Magazine. According to Canadian therapist, Lise Bourdeau, people develop ego-driven "masks" that actually keep the emotional cycles going, to protect themselves from the pain of 5 soul wounds. The 5 wounds that prevent you from being yourself.

The 5 Wounds: The Wound of Rejection

The rejected child is one who most often lives in an imaginary world. Generally, they are well-behaved, quiet children. Often, their body is smaller than average; they may resemble a doll or appear fragile. This person will wear the "Fleeing" mask (or the mask of the "Runner").

Rejection is experienced with the parent of the same sex. Consequently, the "Runner" feels rejected by people of the same gender.

The "Runner" tends to be a perfectionist and intellectual. They do not believe they have the right to exist. They seek solitude and remain in the background, possessing the ability to make themselves invisible. They struggle to let their inner child live. They prefer small portions of food, as their appetite is easily suppressed by emotions or fear. The "Runner" has a faint, subdued voice and does not particularly enjoy dancing. Their attitude is essentially: "Don't look at me too much."

When your wound of rejection is triggered, you put on the "Runner" mask. This drives you to flee the situation or the person you perceive as the cause of the rejection, out of fear of panicking and feeling powerless. This mask may also convince you to become as invisible as possible by withdrawing into yourself, avoiding any words or actions that might lead to further rejection by the other person. It makes you believe that you are not important enough to claim your space and that you do not have the right to exist on equal footing with others.

Later health issues may include respiratory problems, especially during panic attacks. They are prone to allergies, vomiting, dizziness, fainting, agoraphobia, hypoglycemia, or diabetes. A person suffering from the rejection wounds, feeds that wound whenever they call themselves a loser or a good-for-nothing, tell themselves they make no difference in others' lives, or flee a situation.

The "Fleeing" type’s greatest fear is PANIC. They do not always realise this, as they slip away just before panic sets in or often, at the mere prospect of panicking. Their challenge is to successfully face situations.

Your rejection wound is healing when you increasingly claim your space and dare to assert yourself. Furthermore, even if someone seems to forget you exist, you remain comfortable in your own skin. You encounter far fewer situations where you have to experience panic.

The 5 Wounds: The Abandonment Wound

 The abandonment wound is experienced with the parent of the opposite sex. The person often becomes emotionally dependent, playing the role of the "rescuer." They have a deep fear of loneliness. They cling to others and have a remarkable ability to overlook problems in their relationship, preferring to turn a blind eye and believe everything is fine. Physical traits include large, sad eyes, arms that appear too long, and a lack of muscle tone. They act as a victim and seek total emotional fusion with others. They cry easily and elicit pity. Their mood swings between joy and sadness. They are jealous because they fear abandonment.

Since the abandonment wound stems from the relationship with the parent of the opposite sex, the dependent person easily feels abandoned by members of the opposite sex.

 When your abandonment wound is triggered, you put on the "dependent" mask. This mask turns you into a small child seeking attention by crying, complaining, or submitting to circumstances, because you believe you cannot cope on your own. It drives you to go to great lengths, turning somersaults, metaphorically speaking, to avoid being left behind or to garner more attention. They might even convince themselves to get sick or suffer from various ailments just to secure the support they crave. Bon appétit. They prefer soft foods. They eat slowly. The dependent type often uses a childlike, plaintive tone of voice.

They prefer close-contact dancing, "Look how much my partner loves me." Health issues for the dependent type can include asthma, bronchial or pancreatic problems, nearsightedness, hysteria, depression, and migraines; sometimes, they even develop rare conditions requiring special attention, or illnesses labeled incurable.

Those suffering from the wound of abandonment feed that wound whenever they give up on a project close to their heart, let themselves down, neglect their own needs, or fail to give themselves the attention they require. They scare others away by clinging too tightly, thereby ensuring they lose those people and end up alone again. They cause their body great suffering, creating illnesses to attract attention.

The dependent type’s greatest fear is LONELINESS. They do not see it, however, because they ensure they are rarely alone. When no one is physically present, the television and telephone keep them company. Their challenge is to develop autonomy.

Your abandonment wound is healing when you feel good even while alone and no longer seek attention as intensely. Life becomes less dramatic.

You feel an increasing desire to undertake projects, and even if others do not support you, you can press on.

The 5 Wounds: The Wound of Humiliation

The wound of humiliation is most often experienced in relation to the mother, though it can also stem from the father if he played the mother's role. A child who experiences humiliation will adopt a "masochist" mask. The masochist finds pleasure in suffering. Masochists often carry excess weight and have a roundish physique. Their face is frequently round, with a thick, full neck, and their eyes are open and innocent, like a child's.

The masochist feigns emotion in their voice to appear interested and engaged.

Humiliation is generally experienced in relation to the mother, regardless of whether one is male or female; consequently, the masochist easily feels humiliated by women.

When your wound of humiliation is triggered, you put on the masochist mask. This causes you to forget your own needs and focus solely on the needs of others, striving to be a good, generous person who is always ready to help, even beyond your own limits. You also tend to shoulder the responsibilities and commitments of those who seem to struggle with their obligations, often stepping in before they even ask. You do everything to make yourself useful, driven by the need to avoid feeling humiliated or belittled. In doing so, you effectively deprive yourself of freedom, something that is deeply important to you.|

The masochist loves to dance, dancing simply for the pleasure of it, often to show off just how sensual they can be. Health issues associated with this wound include back pain, respiratory problems, leg and foot issues (varicose veins, sprains), liver problems, throat ailments (sore throat, tonsillitis, laryngitis), thyroid issues, skin itching, and heart problems. It is not uncommon to see a masochist forced to undergo multiple surgical procedures.

 Someone suffering from the wound of humiliation feeds that wound whenever they belittle themselves, compare themselves unfavorably to others, or accuse themselves of being fat, incompetent, weak-willed, a freeloader, and so on. They humiliate themselves by wearing unflattering clothes or by getting them dirty. They cause their body to suffer by overloading it with food to digest and assimilate. They inflict suffering on themselves by taking on others' responsibilities, thereby depriving themselves of freedom and time for themselves.

The masochist’s greatest fear is FREEDOM. They neither believe themselves to be nor feel free, due to the many constraints and obligations they create for themselves. Their challenge is to develop their self-esteem.

Your humiliation wound is healing when you take the time to check in with your own needs before saying yes to others. You take far less upon your shoulders and feel freer. You stop imposing limits on yourself. You are also able to make requests without feeling like a nuisance or a burden.

The 5 Wounds: The Betrayal Wound

 This wound is experienced with the parent of the opposite sex between the ages of two and four. People suffering from the betrayal wound did not resolve their Oedipus complex during childhood. They will wear the "Controller" mask. Generally, Controllers assert their presence and are very physical. Their gaze is intense and seductive. The Controller uses their eyes to keep others at an intimidating distance. In men, a protruding belly indicates rage felt toward the opposite sex.

The betrayal is experienced with the parent of the opposite sex. Consequently, the Controller easily feels betrayed by members of the opposite sex and tends to blame them for their own pain or emotions. Of the five wounds, the "Controller" is the one who harbors the highest expectations of others. They have a strong personality. They act quickly and grasp things fast. They are talented but have little patience for slow people. They quickly become aggressive when things do not go according to their expectations. Controllers have loud, projecting voices. They have a hearty appetite, eat quickly, and add salt and spices to their food. They are moody, convinced they are right, and find it difficult to confide in others. They do not show vulnerability and tend to be skeptical.

Controllers often run out of time because they are too busy meddling in other people's affairs. They take up a lot of space. They enjoy dancing and use it as an opportunity to be seductive, essentially saying, "Look at me!"

When you experience the wound of betrayal, you adopt the "Controller" mask; this leads you to become suspicious, skeptical, guarded, authoritarian, and intolerant due to your expectations. You go to great lengths to demonstrate strength and show that you cannot be easily pushed around or taken advantage of, often by taking charge and making decisions for others. This mask drives you to go to great lengths, even lying, to avoid losing your reputation. You neglect your own needs and do whatever it takes to convince others that you are a reliable person......whom one can trust.

Someone suffering from the betrayal wound feeds that wound by lying to themselves, believing falsehoods, and failing to keep commitments made to themselves. They punish themselves by doing everything on their own, as they do not trust others and refuse to delegate. They are so busy monitoring what others are doing that they deprive themselves of enjoying their own time.

The controlling person’s greatest fear is DISSOCIATION and SEPARATION. They fail to see the extent to which they create conflict or problems as a way to stop speaking to someone. Although they attract separations or situations where they cut ties with others, they do not realize that they actually fear this. On the contrary, they convince themselves that these separations or rejections are better for them, believing this will prevent them from being taken advantage of again. Their challenge is to cultivate the ability to let go.

Your betrayal wound is healing when you no longer experience such intense emotions the moment someone or something disrupts your plans. You let go more easily. To clarify, letting go means ceasing to be attached to outcomes and stopping the insistence that everything must go exactly according to plan. You no longer seek to be the center of attention. When you feel proud of an achievement, you are content even if others do not acknowledge it.

The 5 Wounds: The Injustice Wound

A person suffering from the injustice wound feels undervalued and believes they are not receiving what they deserve. They experience this wound primarily in relation to the parent of the same sex, suffering from that parent's coldness. To protect themselves, they adopt the "Rigid" mask. Rigid individuals are most prone to crossing their arms, thereby blocking the solar plexus, to avoid feeling emotions. These people often prefer dressing in black. Those carrying both the rejection and injustice wounds generally wear only black or very dark clothing.

The injustice wound is experienced in relation to the parent of the same sex; consequently, the "Rigid" type suffers from injustice issues with people of the same sex and accuses them of being unfair.

The Rigid type is the one most afraid of gaining weight. They prefer clothing that is tight at the waist. They often run out of time because they have an excessive desire for perfection. Religion is more likely to impact or influence the Rigid type than those suffering from other wounds. The fear of making a mistake is very strong in them. They like everything to be tidy, sometimes to the point of obsession, and speak in a rather mechanical, restrained manner.

The Rigid type is rarely ill; many do not even have a primary care physician. Anger is their most common emotion, particularly directed at themselves. They struggle to let themselves be loved or to show their love, often coming across as cold. Being highly sensitive, they avoid letting others affect them emotionally. Despite the rigidity of their legs, they dance very well and have a good sense of rhythm; they are the type most likely to take dance lessons. "Look how well I dance!"

They prefer salty, crunchy foods. Among the five types, they are the most likely to choose a vegetarian diet. Their ailments include stiffness, burnout, inflammatory conditions (tendonitis, bursitis, arthritis), stiff neck, constipation, cramps, varicose veins, circulatory issues, dry skin, psoriasis, nervousness, and insomnia. When the wound of injustice is triggered, you put on the "Rigid" mask, which makes you appear cold, abrupt, and curt in both tone and movement. Just like your attitude, your body becomes rigid as well. This mask turns you into a perfectionist and causes you to experience significant anger, impatience, self-criticism, and intolerance toward yourself. You are highly demanding and fail to respect your own limits.

Someone suffering from the wound of injustice fuels that wound by being far too demanding of themselves. They do not respect their limits and subject themselves to a great deal of stress.

They are unfair to themselves, as they criticise themselves and struggle to see their own qualities and what they do well. They suffer when they focus only on what remains undone or on mistakes that have been made. They cause themselves suffering by finding it difficult to allow themselves to enjoy life.

The greatest fear of the "Rigid" type is COLDNESS. They struggle to recognize this coldness because they view themselves as warm individuals who do their utmost to ensure everything around them is fair and harmonious. Their challenge lies in developing flexibility.

Your wound of injustice is healing when you allow yourself to be less of a perfectionist and to make mistakes without experiencing anger or self-criticism. You allow yourself to show your sensitivity and to cry in front of others without losing control or fearing judgment others.

Did this text about the five wounds resonate with you? Which of these five wounds resonated the most? Or which ones? Often, one or two wounds are particularly prominent.

It is also possible that a specific context, situation, or relationship might, at some point, trigger another of these five wounds.

If these five wounds have resonated with you, you can receive my free Five Soul Wounds Meditation Series: five gentle guided practices to help you meet each wound with awareness, compassion and healing. Access the free meditations here